Monday, December 27, 2010

Misleadingly Awesome Trailers

REGRETS DEPT., Dec 27 - A lot of my pals are still in mourning over the profound awfulness of Tron: Legacy. Those first two trailers really were something great. This got me thinking about other trailers that far outshone the products they advertised. I came up with four:



VICE SQUAD (1982)

How amazing would this movie have been if it actually, literally was just a two-hour drum solo over nonstop fights and car chases?




VIDEODROME (1983)

Everyone loves Videodrome. I know, I get it, it's great, whatever. But I'd have enjoyed this film far more if Nam June Paik had directed it and it was just a whole lot of this.



THE AMERICAN ASTRONAUT (2001)

This obscure space Western was shot for less than $2 million, although it looks much cheaper. It's not a bad film. But it's certainly nowhere near as gorgeously brilliant as its own trailer. Sit back and soak in that palpable expectation. Then imagine that you will never be able to see the movie this trailer advertises because they don't make movies that awesome anymore. Now you know how I feel.



INLAND EMPIRE (2006)

This one doesn't fit with the others, in that David Lynch gave everyone fair warning that he was working on a non-sequential, non-consequential baloney fest of yawny proportions (although he failed to mention he'd be so flamboyantly wiping his bottom with Jeremy Irons, Harry Dean Stanton, and/or the profession of movie directing). Regardless, Lynch should've won a special Oscar for this trailer. Somehow, he compressed all the dread from Eraserhead and Blue Velvet into one exquisite and terrifying minute. And what is the thing at 0:30??????