Thursday, November 26, 2009

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Misc: F That S

ANNALS OF JOE, NOV 12 - If you've been wondering where to go to listen to DRI and SOD played without irony, look no further than "F That S", Joe Preston's downloadable radio show that I was only told about yesterday.

Now imagine it is 4 in the morning and Joe is driving you to Denver in his van and this music is playing very loud while you try to sleep...

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Misc: Pittsburgh Style, Beefing Cretins

I'm still undecided on the iPhone's two-megapixel camera as an actual device for taking photographs. But as a device for accentuating the hidden creepiness of the physical world, it's top notch. Here's a perfectly sunny afternoon at the pier in San Clemente:

I ate a nice dinner at Colombo's Steakhouse in Eagle Rock on Saturday. After I ordered penne with marinara and a coke - basically, a kid's menu choice - nearly everyone else at the table ordered huge steaks and water & whiskeys. The fellow next to me asked that his steak be cooked 'Pittsburgh Style'. I asked what this meant. Turns out 'Pittsburgh Style' means seared and charred on the outside and raw and bloody on the inside. I joked that this had been my signature cooking style most of my life. Everyone laughed politely.

Later, it occurred to me that 'Pittsburgh Style' could refer to a wide range of life's boners and goofs. "Shit, my investments went Pittsburgh Style". "Man, my marriage really went Pittsburgh Style." "I don't really feel anything anymore. It's like my soul has gone Pittsburgh Style."

I caught Valerie Bertinelli on "Chelsea Lately" last week. In the middle of the interview, she assured Chelsea that, yes, her 18-year old son, Wolfgang Van Halen, was watching the show that night and that, yes, Wolfgang is still a virgin. Longtime readers of this blog may remember that I wrote about Wolfgang's onstage hazing at the Staples Center two years ago. I remain very confused by the math here. How does World's Coolest Dad + Universe's Foxiest Mom = Existential Humiliation on pretty much every national platform?? This kid is either going to grow up to be an emotional eggshell or the psychologically toughest motherfucker this side of Pelican Bay State Prison. Good lord.

The continuing Sarah Palin / Levi Johnston smackdown makes me kind of sad, in that someday it will be over. It is such a rare, beautiful thing when cretins beef with each other in public that you never want it to end. Why don't clods quarrel with each other more often? What about Tom Tancredo vs. DMX? Scott Stapp vs. Lynne Cheney? Donald Trump and Nancy Grace are about the same size; will I really never get to see footage of these two brawling on a street corner??

My wife bought her grandpa a cane last Christmas. Today we got the first issue of an apparent subscription to Fashionable Canes And Walking Sticks. It's a great magazine... why'd they wait 11 months to send it?

Friday, November 6, 2009

New: The Dessert Psycho

EXCELLENCE IN JOURNALISM DEPT., NOV 6 - My 7,500 word profile of drummer and pastry chef Brooks Headley is now online at Vice magazine. Brooks - now the head pastry chef at Mario Batali's Del Posto restaurant - was kind enough to give me full access to his kitchen, for which I thank him. It was a fun piece to write.

Glen E. Friedman took the photos. Although I had no contact with the man, it's still a little unnerving to see that byline. Friedman's My Rules photozine was one of only three influences, all visual, that made me want to perform in a band twenty years ago. Collaborating on any project with him, no matter how indirectly, has the feel of past brushes with personally significant celebrities, like the time I passed Kurt Vonnegut on an Upper West Side sidewalk, or the time my band played the courtyard of the Arclight in Hollywood and annoyed Eric Idle.

photo by Justine Demetrick

Also, It's come to my attention that some people are put off by the length of these profile pieces. I would like to remind these people now that reading such articles is, in fact, quite mandatory. You don't have a choice in the matter. Get on it.

Monday, November 2, 2009

New: Chuck Biscuits Death Hoax

EXCELLENCE IN JOURNALISM DEPT., NOV. 2 - My piece on the Chuck Biscuits Death Hoax is now online at the Village Voice.

One night fourteen years ago, I decided to make my maiden voyage on the Internet a memorable one by posting my own carefully worded death announcement on any Usenet groups that seemed like they would care. But some other plans got in the way of me using my friend's computer, and the next morning a different friend actually did die, so I quietly abandoned the prank. I hadn't thought of that incident in years, and only when writing the piece over this weekend did it occur to me that I'm really glad I didn't get the chance to go through with it.