Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Misc: Pittsburgh Style, Beefing Cretins

I'm still undecided on the iPhone's two-megapixel camera as an actual device for taking photographs. But as a device for accentuating the hidden creepiness of the physical world, it's top notch. Here's a perfectly sunny afternoon at the pier in San Clemente:

I ate a nice dinner at Colombo's Steakhouse in Eagle Rock on Saturday. After I ordered penne with marinara and a coke - basically, a kid's menu choice - nearly everyone else at the table ordered huge steaks and water & whiskeys. The fellow next to me asked that his steak be cooked 'Pittsburgh Style'. I asked what this meant. Turns out 'Pittsburgh Style' means seared and charred on the outside and raw and bloody on the inside. I joked that this had been my signature cooking style most of my life. Everyone laughed politely.

Later, it occurred to me that 'Pittsburgh Style' could refer to a wide range of life's boners and goofs. "Shit, my investments went Pittsburgh Style". "Man, my marriage really went Pittsburgh Style." "I don't really feel anything anymore. It's like my soul has gone Pittsburgh Style."

I caught Valerie Bertinelli on "Chelsea Lately" last week. In the middle of the interview, she assured Chelsea that, yes, her 18-year old son, Wolfgang Van Halen, was watching the show that night and that, yes, Wolfgang is still a virgin. Longtime readers of this blog may remember that I wrote about Wolfgang's onstage hazing at the Staples Center two years ago. I remain very confused by the math here. How does World's Coolest Dad + Universe's Foxiest Mom = Existential Humiliation on pretty much every national platform?? This kid is either going to grow up to be an emotional eggshell or the psychologically toughest motherfucker this side of Pelican Bay State Prison. Good lord.

The continuing Sarah Palin / Levi Johnston smackdown makes me kind of sad, in that someday it will be over. It is such a rare, beautiful thing when cretins beef with each other in public that you never want it to end. Why don't clods quarrel with each other more often? What about Tom Tancredo vs. DMX? Scott Stapp vs. Lynne Cheney? Donald Trump and Nancy Grace are about the same size; will I really never get to see footage of these two brawling on a street corner??

My wife bought her grandpa a cane last Christmas. Today we got the first issue of an apparent subscription to Fashionable Canes And Walking Sticks. It's a great magazine... why'd they wait 11 months to send it?