Friday, May 1, 2009

Launch Party (2004)

FROM THE ARCHIVES, MAY 1 - This posted on sammcpheeters.com, 4/16/04

LETTER FROM THE LAUNCH PARTY

Thanks for stopping by. I'm writing from the christening of sammcpheeters.com, which consists of me sitting in a chair at 2:21 AM on the morning of April 16, 2004. In the 20th century, they used to call these things launch parties. I'd get some party snacks from the kitchen only I am so tired. This page is the last to be completed. It's still Thursday over the Pacific. There is still time for dawdlers in Honolulu to get their 4868 Automatic Tax Extension postmarked by the 15th.

fig. 1

A few particulars; Figure 1 is a graphic representation of the statistics for the website this space replaces, www.vermiform.com. On top, there are verdant hills representing "hits" (22,006 for April) . The water table beneath this is "files" (16,927), and the purple mantle just below is something called "page views" (4,856). One strata further still is the molten red mother lode; "Sessions". According to the good people in Kensington, MD - the host(s?) of both sites - sessions are what count. There were 2,122 sessions in the last two weeks, statistically above the site's average of 3,570 sessions a month since war broke out in Iraq (although all averages have been pulled down by that strange string of zeros from 12/03 when, the computer in Maryland says, not one single person visited Vermiform).

fig. 2

That's nice, and a little creepy. I don't know 2,122 people personally. Who are they? What is their intent? I'm more comfortable with the site stats in figure 2, for the current site. These tiny foothills represent 35 visits to sammcpheeters.com, all my own (except for one trip by Neil Burke, who visited the Beta of this site twice, although he tells me the first time he was 'completely drunk' and 'doesn't remember anything').

Peering deeper into the control panel of the doomed vermiform.com, I discover further site stats. The busiest minutes of April passed on the 10th, from 4:07 to 4:11 PM. The Top 5 Seconds of April took place on the 5th, within 12:13 AM (the top 5 seconds for sammcpheeters.com occurred yesterday afternoon, at 3:21 PM and 50 seconds). I don't know what this data means except, hey, the public can be fickle. Their favor can turn on a dime. I understand this. There is a deep crater in December 2003 to remind me of the cost of negligence. I will work hard. As the site stats for sammcpheeters.com clearly show, it is all uphill from here.